I remember when I thought my mom was TOO MUCH: too overprotective, too mean, too worried, too much of everything. Everything I asked for was a ‘no’. Wondered why all my friends parents’ would let them go to a camping party at the beach and I couldn’t (not fair!). I remember thinking ‘I’ll never treat my kids the way you do’ Funny how I end up being the exact person that I said I won’t be…maybe worse? I remember the day I apologized to my mom and thanked her. She didn’t say I told you so, but she did laugh. If it was me, knowing what a spoiled brat I was growing up, I would’ve done the ‘told you so’ dance.
When Cole was born, I had NO idea what I was doing. Sometimes i still don’t and i wonder how moms younger than me do it. Is there a book or a class I missed? I’m going to be a mama to a newborn again soon and I feel like I’m clueless again. Google and the free Parent’s magazine I got from the Motherhood Maternity seems to help a little. I just want to tear the pages and hang them all over my walls (if tape and holes in my walls wasn’t a pet peeve of mine).
8 years and 16 days and I feel it’s been the hardest, emotional, stressful, anxiety filled…but filled with happiness and satisfaction. Everyday I struggle and wonder if I’m being a good mom, if i’m doing what’s best, if i’m paying attention to everything, if I’m disciplining enough, if I’m disciplining too much, if I’m being selfish about not letting him do certain things. Things are so different now than what it was back when I was growing up. Cole wanting to be ‘independent’ and walk to a friends house by himself scares me. Growing up I lived in plantation housing and we used to walk through the sugar cane fields to hang out or through some old man’s garden and get chased away by them because they thought we were stealing his food, but we’d always be ok. Now as a mom I’d freak if I knew where I wandered off to.
Anyway, I am extremely blessed to be a mom, it is so rewarding! I’m proud to be like my own mom when I said otherwise.
For today all I asked for was to go out to eat with my family and have dessert….mostly dessert. Flowers are nice but insanely priced today….I’d rather have those Edible bouquets, at least I’d be eating some fruits. Yes, I like to eat.
Happy mother’s day to all you mamas! Hope all you mothers out there are having a wonderful day spending it with the ones you love.
Through the years we like to take silly selfies, funny how grateful I am for camera phones.
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Photo above by Alisa Grieg
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